So the Final Four is set for Indy this weekend. That's great but who should you
place your life savings or college funds on? Well, the Double Deuce is here to
help with the most in-depth coverage you can expect from a college student with
an absurd amount of time on his hands. Furthermore, I have studied game films,
reports on all four teams, and everything else you can imagine. By
"study" and "expert" I mean having done no research at all
and just picking what schools have the hottest girls. This is science people
and you can't deny scientific fact. So let's get started.
UCLA v LSU
OK both schools have abbreviated names. So if I wasn't the
expert I am I would have to pick the shorter of the two names (LSU for the
people reading this that are blind). But since I do have a robust source of
knowledge when it comes to picking the Final Four here are my lock picks. First
we must look at the location of both schools. UCLA is located in Los Angeles
which definitely has it's advantages over LSU, especially after Hurricane
Katrina. Now let's look at the women of bothcampuses. UCLA is known for their
hot blondes with long legs and beautiful breasts. It's scientific fact that all
the women that attend UCLA could pose in Playboy. They walk around campus in
string bikinis and drink till they blackout at Frat Parties. LSU on the other
hand really doesn't have much to work with. It rains alot which you would think
would make the girls run wild and wet around campus, but it doesn't, trust me.
I know, I know, you'd think that they would have something, being from the
south and all but they don't. LSU girls wear baggy jeans and flannel shirts and
that doesn't help you win basketball games. LSU girls know how to party but
they also know how to eat and we don't want girls that can out eat us. In
addition to the hot girl ratio being at an all time low at LSU, most of the
hottest girls on campus transferred after Hurricane Katrina hit the south.
The migration of the hot girls from LSU was tracked by such media outlets
like NBC, MSNBC, CNN, etc. The pattern shows the girls from LSU migrating
northwest towards UCLA. Who needs to score points in a stupid basketball game when
your campus is crawling with hot girls. Hey the guys on the basketball team are
probably upset that they are still playing instead of being back on campus with
the hotties of UCLA. Hot girls make you better at life in general, and they
make you win basketball games, forget LSU. It's SCIENCE!
The Flood Gates Could Open Up...No Pun Intended...UCLA WINS
Florida v George Mason (who?)
This game could get as ugly as the girls at George Mason.
Yes, you may be asking the same thing as I was when they beat UConn, are there
any hot girls at George Mason? Probably Not in fact I know there isn't. Florida
girls are tan and beautiful; they walk to class with barely any clothes on.
George Mason girls carry mase in their purses and might be carrying a
piece. Snow falls in Washington DC, so the girls bundle up when walking to
class, that isn't hot, it just makes you hot. Furthermore, sun is a rarity
during the winter in DC and who wants to look at girls that look like ghosts,
not me. I know there isn't one hot girl and if anyone can prove me wrong send
me an email with a picture. As for Florida, they have perhaps the hottest girls
in the nation. Jenn Sterger (if you don't know who she is google her and then
ask her to be your friend on facebook) goes to Florida State, which proves that
hot girls flock to the state of Florida. The weather is hot and humid.
Washington D.C. just has murder and that doesn't make the girls take their
clothes off and show their tan. Although snow does give them the
"Snow Bunny" advantage. I just can't seem them beating the hotness of
the Florida Girls. The girls of GM just remind me of bad Mexican food that
comes out the next day. While Florida Girls are the Crystal of Champagne.
Helen Keller could pick this.....FLORIDA in a landslide.
